Behave Badly, Please.

Why is the incubus of adulthood such an alluring concept to children? As we grow, we witness the adults in our lives working, stressing, working, cooking, cleaning, working, and otherwise behaving the way "grown-ups" are supposed to behave. Society expects adults to make it through an entire day NOT playing, NOT coloring, NOT pretending, NOT shirking responsibility, NOT eating an entire summer sausage, and NOT repeatedly karate chopping the air all around them. In fact, it would be possible to define an adult as one who has fundamentally extinguished the incandescent vitality of youth. Why do we hold adults to such a stodgy standard? My memory is filled with rapscallion adventures, skinned knees, and ninja battles that last until lunch time. I can't figure out why I ever gave that up. Sure, an argument could be made that if the world were run by kids everything would be a disaster, and if there were no adults nothing important would ever get done. But who really cares about all that? So, I call out to all the children of the land, "DON'T GROW UP!" At least I know I ain't gonna.

Blue Jean Samurai

What Calvin Klein and DKNY don't want any of us to know is how much R&D actually goes into the process of cutting holes in jeans BEFORE we buy them. We can all recognize how this "torn jean" trend has invaded our society, but what most of us have not considered is, who actually cuts those holes? How do they do it? The answer is simple. Samurai. A very discreet career aspiration for many out-of-work Samurai warriors is a position at the finishing table for designer jean companies. Not too long ago, a designer from Levi Strauss was having lunch with a buddy from Japan, who mentioned a group of warrior friends looking for work after the de-feudalization of certain regions of Asia. After an intense brainstorming session, the designer took the group of noble warriors to the testing lab, where they commenced a demonstration of their ability to maim the jeans without destroying them. Market research testers went ballistic. A trend was born. With as much pomp and ceremony as their previous station, a Samurai can effortlessly place slashes and tears in a pair of denim pants like nobody's business. Still afforded a certain amount of anonymity with a very decent compensation package (in comparison to a few pounds of rice), the Blue Jean Samurai can take pride in their duty like nothing they have done since the early 1400's. Of course, Ninjas have also applied for the same and similar jobs with Dockers and Haggar, but the trend of torn slacks never made it past the product testing phase. All efforts to verify the validity of this awkward method will be adamantly denied by all designers...so just take my word for it.